Disclaimer: This story is my story, thoughts and opinions. Therefore my thoughts and opinions do not apply to everyone who has walked a similar road as us. They might need and want and feel something completely different. But I am hoping to open up conversation, acceptance and how to better love and care for the that have walked a similar path. In fact I hope some of my thoughts and meandering can be “cross training” for other difficult situations you may encounter. If you have walked a road similar to ours, I carry your heart with me. You are not alone. No matter how different our stories might be. I am here for you. My story is mine and yours is yours. One story is not harder, sadder, scarier, longer, or deeper than another story. They are just different and what a beautiful, broken world that creates for us. I am not perfect and my husband is not perfect. But I do not believe in speaking negatively of him especially in a way that the entire world can read. So even though my post will generally always highlight the positive of him and our relationship please know we are not perfect. I am certainly not creating this space to feel better about myself and less of anyone else, so please don’t compare my highlight real to your behind the scenes. We are not perfect and we mess up and struggle just like everyone else in the world. So don’t for a second belittle yourself and compare us to you. Different is beautiful not better. 😘 Also please forgive my spelling and grammar in this space. You will see my thoughts and heart and dreams here but you will not see perfect English. 

     We are less than one week away from another bittersweet, oxymoron holiday. Father’s Day. A day meant to celebrate those who have loved us, taught us and raised us. But also a day that reminds so many of the lost dads, single dads, single moms who are daddy and mommy, the estranged relationships, the lost babies and even the longing for babies. The world as a whole does a terrible job holding close mamas with angel babies. I still can’t quite wrap my brain around why it’s so taboo and hush hush. But slowly I see it getting better and hopefully by sharing our experience I’m helping out. But you know where we completely drop the ball and leave out a whole host of people who need love, comfort and support. Daddies of heavenly babies. Just as women become moms the moment they see that positive pregnancy test daddies are created in that exact moment as well. Not in the delivery room or after the adoption is complete but long before. Some even have daddy hearts long before a positive test when the life is a flicker of hope in their eyes and a dream in their hearts.

We degrade men when we stereotype them as having the inability to be emotional or sensitive. We assume mama is an emotional wreck and daddy is strong, solemn, unattached and not affected after the death of a baby. Perhaps it’s not their lack of ability to be emotional or the lack of feelings but our lack of support, resources, love and space for them to process and be safe in their grief. Society does all kinds of boxing in and stereotyping for ALL the people of the world. I’m just going to focus on this one tiny area today (again see disclaimer). We tell the men of the world that they are our protectors and they are strong and they don’t cry. WHY does “being emotional” have a bad, weak attachment to it? I believe the more emotional a person is the more love and passion and praise a person has. Isn’t that more of what this world needs people who’s souls are on fire with purpose and love? Grief and emotional processing are proof that you loved and cherished something valuable.  Continue reading “Father’s Day “ →