Merry Christmas to you and yours. Continue reading “Merry Christmas”
Loves, here we are the first big event in a season of love, celebration and gathering your people. A season that can amplify the empty arms and longing in your heart. Whether you are still waiting on your miracle babe or your in the grief of losing your baby (no matter if it’s been days, months or year ago) or you are aching for your mom, dad, sister, brother, grandparents, family and friends. Continue reading “Happy Thanksgiving”
I’ve been falling into a funk/depression/ whatever you want to call it for the past bit of days. Honestly it has been creeping up on me and I knew it but I didn’t do a good job taking care to address and stop it til I hit the bottom.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Continue reading “Rage”
September 7, 2017. We spend the day celebrating and honoring our precious girl. We did some random and some not so random acts of love in her memory. It certainly did not replace having her in my arms but it did bring me joy to know we were sprinkling happiness into other people’s day.
After a good morning workout I dropped my fist act of love close by. Then, I grabbed breakfast and a walk with a God sent best friend. We chased her little one around Crestline Village for a while. The weather was beautiful and you could feel the crisp edge of Fall heading our way. It was the perfect antidote rather than sitting on the couch alone (yes Ryan was home but slept til 11, per usual). One treat was left outside of Crestline Bagel.
I continued to the Botanical Gardens to leave a few love treats there. I absolutely love our Botanical Gardens and do not go near often enough. It’s almost like I forget how much I love going there until I am back. Thursday the weather was still cool, the roses were blooming and the crowds were light. While walking around I saw a lady who had found one of the treats, it made my heart so happy to see her carrying it.
Downtown Homewood was up next. First I stopped by Little Professor Books store to leave two gift cards tucked beside two books there. I think this was one of my favorite ones I did. It was also fun to try to be sneaky and not let anyone see me leaving them. Cookie Fix was up next. I am thankful for the ladies there that happily (and selectively) gave 6 cookies and cards out to people who really looked like they needed a pick me up.
I, also, visited a sweet friend and gave her a love treat to honor her angel baby, one of my favorite and most meaningful gifts. She is also an answered prayer and looking back it’s so amazing how people are brought into your lives just when you need them. Or maybe at the time you don’t realize why but soon enough it becomes all to apparent.
I then picked up our cake from Savage’s Bakery. I say a cake similar on there Facebook page and knew we needed one for Squirt’s Celebration Day. Dogwoods were some of my Papa’s favorite, I forever will think of him when I see a Dogwood in bloom. The week we lost Squirt our Dogwood tree in our front yard was blooming as well. So now these things are intertwined in my mind.
Ryan called while I was out so I headed home. We got ready for lunch where we met another friend and her cutie pie. All the friends rallying like I would have never dreamed before this year. We ate cheesy fries. Dropped another love treat off at a special friend’s house. We played and talked for a bit before they had to head home. Ryan and I then settled in for a nap on a emotionally exhausting day. We watched a bit of our new binge, New Girl, before heading to dinner. We had to meet someone to sell our football tickets so we did that and left a small treat in a buggy at Target.
I tried my best to support local, small business by using their goods to leave as treats around town. Apart from a few e-gift cards sent to Lovies far away I was able to support local business as I love to do.
I enjoyed this so much this year and feel it was the perfect way to celebrate and the perfect way to heal our sadness is to spread joy and love to others. I plan to do this every year on September 7th as a way to remember and honor our precious first. If you would like to join me next year by preforming an act of love in her honor please email me and I will send you a small card to pass along with your act of love that explains what the treat is about. It can be as random as paying for the cars food behind you in the drive thru, leaving a treat in a park, or as thoughtful as gifting something to a friend that has gotten you through a tough time or a family that has also lost a little one.
I pray it touched the hearts of everyone who found one and hopefully they reached the people that needed some heart, healing balm the most on Thursday. If you found one and found your way to my through social media, please send me an email or tag me on social media if you feel like it. I can not wait to continue this throughout the years to come and hopefully hear stories of how they reached and brightened someone’s day when they needed it.
Thanks MC for the beautiful flowers, fun vase and cake. I can not wait to reuse the fun vase with some Pepperplace flowers. Seriously, there are no words for how much you mean to me. Thank you K for driving a couple of hours to spend some time with us. Thank you to my North Carolina family for the beautiful flower arrangement. I can not get over how gorgeous it is. I want to give the florist a key to my house and unlimited funds to just keep them fresh and beautiful indefinitely. Thanks to everyone else for your kind words and thoughts. There are literally too many to name individually here. Thanks to everyone who spent time with us Thursday, called, texted and sent us love and support. Again, I am overwhelmed with the amount of love we received this year. I am continuously reminded how important and meaningful being surrounded by people who love and support you truly is.
It was a lovely day celebration our girl. It was hard at times but we made it through with the love as support of our family and friends. I knew the best way for us to honor and celebrate Riley Kate was to spread love into other people’s lives just as she brought us so much love into ours.
Losing a pregnancy. My sister described it best when she said it’s one of those things that you hear happens to people and you think how horrible but then it actually happens to you and you realize how debilitating and heart-breaking it really is. I’ve lost a lot this year but I have gained some things too. Continue reading “What I Lost this Year (and What I Found)”
Your Daddy said it best, “We are never going to forget, so we might as well remember.” Continue reading “September 7, 2017”
Disclaimer: This story is my story, thoughts and opinions. Therefore my thoughts and opinions do not apply to everyone who has walked a similar road as us. They might need and want and feel something completely different. But I am hoping to open up conversation, acceptance and how to better love and care for the that have walked a similar path. In fact I hope some of my thoughts and meandering can be “cross training” for other difficult situations you may encounter. If you have walked a road similar to ours, I carry your heart with me. You are not alone. No matter how different our stories might be. I am here for you. My story is mine and yours is yours. One story is not harder, sadder, scarier, longer, or deeper than another story. They are just different and what a beautiful, broken world that creates for us. I am not perfect and my husband is not perfect. But I do not believe in speaking negatively of him especially in a way that the entire world can read. So even though my post will generally always highlight the positive of him and our relationship please know we are not perfect. I am certainly not creating this space to feel better about myself and less of anyone else, so please don’t compare my highlight real to your behind the scenes. We are not perfect and we mess up and struggle just like everyone else in the world. So don’t for a second belittle yourself and compare us to you. Different is beautiful not better. 😘 Also please forgive my spelling and grammar in this space. You will see my thoughts and heart and dreams here but you will not see perfect English.
We are less than one week away from another bittersweet, oxymoron holiday. Father’s Day. A day meant to celebrate those who have loved us, taught us and raised us. But also a day that reminds so many of the lost dads, single dads, single moms who are daddy and mommy, the estranged relationships, the lost babies and even the longing for babies. The world as a whole does a terrible job holding close mamas with angel babies. I still can’t quite wrap my brain around why it’s so taboo and hush hush. But slowly I see it getting better and hopefully by sharing our experience I’m helping out. But you know where we completely drop the ball and leave out a whole host of people who need love, comfort and support. Daddies of heavenly babies. Just as women become moms the moment they see that positive pregnancy test daddies are created in that exact moment as well. Not in the delivery room or after the adoption is complete but long before. Some even have daddy hearts long before a positive test when the life is a flicker of hope in their eyes and a dream in their hearts.
We degrade men when we stereotype them as having the inability to be emotional or sensitive. We assume mama is an emotional wreck and daddy is strong, solemn, unattached and not affected after the death of a baby. Perhaps it’s not their lack of ability to be emotional or the lack of feelings but our lack of support, resources, love and space for them to process and be safe in their grief. Society does all kinds of boxing in and stereotyping for ALL the people of the world. I’m just going to focus on this one tiny area today (again see disclaimer). We tell the men of the world that they are our protectors and they are strong and they don’t cry. WHY does “being emotional” have a bad, weak attachment to it? I believe the more emotional a person is the more love and passion and praise a person has. Isn’t that more of what this world needs people who’s souls are on fire with purpose and love? Grief and emotional processing are proof that you loved and cherished something valuable. Continue reading “Father’s Day “